[It's almost strange how Akechi can freak out at the words 'I love you' and then say the most poetic, loving shit ever crafted by human language. He doesn't stop in his affection as the other man speaks, but being pressed together means there's no way Akechi can't feel the way his heart rate spikes, the warmth he feels in his chest as the words wash over him. There is no forced inevitability, no continued bond, but-- but a choice, a choice Ren wants to keep making with every kiss and touch and word.
But it's still overwhelming sometimes, to hear. That there would be a choice made for him, to him, for what he is and who he is and not all of the things he represents. It makes him want to cry. It makes him want to kiss Akechi on his stupid face and never let go. It makes him want to run out the door and go scream somewhere because what if he messes this up but he won't because he can't and he refuses to give in to the fear.
He stays close, presses another kiss up towards his temple and tries to not say something stupid for once to avoid his own feelings.]
Then I really am as lucky as you say. To find someone like you, to... to be chosen by you.
[Ren can't help a little laugh, if only to match the shaking he feels in his chest, in his heart.]
I don't think they wrote anything into us. But I think you did. To... to me. And I hope you'd do it again, if you could.
[Renās body gives him away, pressed right up close against his boyfriend, Akechi honing in too easily on the quiver in the otherās voice, the rapid beating of his heart, the tremble where their bodies meet. Itās the reminder that the older man sometimes needs - itās so easy to get caught up in all of his own bullshit and Ren hides his hurt so much better than Akechi ever could - that they are both still so wounded.
That Ren should be so shaken by his words feels like proof that he might need to hear them more often.
Ren tips in to flutter another kiss to his cheek and Akechi catches the other manās chin in hand, making him face Akechi, to see just how serious he is.]
There is no reality in which you arenāt mine.
[And one more kiss, a promised pressed into Renās lips before Akechi pulls back only far enough to study his boyfriend, before his gaze is dropping down the mess of their living room.]
Tomorrow. The rest of this can wait until then. For now, tell me what youād like for dinner. Weāll order in, just for tonight. [A little take out and make out in their brand new home. They honestly deserve it.]
[Ultimately, Ren is nothing if not an incredible liar. To the world, to his family, to himself. And as much as he can't and won't shave off the edges of himself to make his existence more palatable, he also can't ignore the fact that rejection in any form hurts. So of course, every time he hears something like that he holds it close. It's a reminder that he doesn't need to be anyone else. He couldn't be if he tried.
So Akechi treats him gently but holds him tight, makes no illusions that he can slip out on. And Ren smiles, because how could he not, and tries not to look too misty-eyed at the thought of it all.
It does mean he's caught a little off guard when Akechi changes the subject, though, and it makes him chuckle.]
I guess you really don't want to let me go, huh.
[Says the man who also has made no movements or the remotest bit of intent on letting go of Akechi, either.]
Let's get something sweet. It'll stay on your mouth.
[Said in exactly the way he wants that to be said, which is flirty, but serious enough that he isn't joking.]
[But itās said exactly while Akechiās still clinging to the other man, just as reluctant to let go after lashing out like that at his partner. Thereās still something so rotten inside of him, no matter what he tries to scoop out, this complete inability to just let himself be loved.
It isnāt as if he doesnāt believe Ren - Akechi knows exactly how much his boyfriend has loved him since they were kids - itās all to do with himself and his own unshakable self-loathing. That paired with all of his crimes and murders? Itās a therapistās worst nightmare.
For now though, the tension is behind them, Akechi scoffing at the other, but the look he shoots Ren is much more smug.]
[Ren wishes a lot of things. That Akechi would understand that he isn't inherently terrible, that he never had to leave the other man's arms, that the world would be kind for the rest of their lives and maybe even then some. But for now, this is all he could wish for. To have Akechi in his arms, to be able to joke and smile, to feel the warmth between them that proves they're real and alive and here.
So Ren smiles, leans over just slightly and gives Akechi another little kiss.]
Of course I do. It's a good mouth.
[Don't start getting suggestive now, Ren, Akechi has already let you off the hook for doing Work tonight. Except, also, it's Ren, so it's time for him to push his luck every fuckin' day and here he goes doing it.]
[But Akechi accepts the kiss as he's affectionately pinching Ren's forearm in retaliation, before he's finally releasing his hold on the other man and exhaling away the last of that stress off of him. The recovery is just as strange to Akechi as the affection, how there are moments when Ren can just sweep in and soothe away all of the furious grief and hurt that lives in Akechi's heart.
Somedays Akechi can almost see the future there that he knows Ren sees for them.]
Now knock it off. I just want to sit with you on our ugly secondhand couch and scroll through twitter all night.
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But it's still overwhelming sometimes, to hear. That there would be a choice made for him, to him, for what he is and who he is and not all of the things he represents. It makes him want to cry. It makes him want to kiss Akechi on his stupid face and never let go. It makes him want to run out the door and go scream somewhere because what if he messes this up but he won't because he can't and he refuses to give in to the fear.
He stays close, presses another kiss up towards his temple and tries to not say something stupid for once to avoid his own feelings.]
Then I really am as lucky as you say. To find someone like you, to... to be chosen by you.
[Ren can't help a little laugh, if only to match the shaking he feels in his chest, in his heart.]
I don't think they wrote anything into us. But I think you did. To... to me. And I hope you'd do it again, if you could.
no subject
That Ren should be so shaken by his words feels like proof that he might need to hear them more often.
Ren tips in to flutter another kiss to his cheek and Akechi catches the other manās chin in hand, making him face Akechi, to see just how serious he is.]
There is no reality in which you arenāt mine.
[And one more kiss, a promised pressed into Renās lips before Akechi pulls back only far enough to study his boyfriend, before his gaze is dropping down the mess of their living room.]
Tomorrow. The rest of this can wait until then. For now, tell me what youād like for dinner. Weāll order in, just for tonight. [A little take out and make out in their brand new home. They honestly deserve it.]
no subject
So Akechi treats him gently but holds him tight, makes no illusions that he can slip out on. And Ren smiles, because how could he not, and tries not to look too misty-eyed at the thought of it all.
It does mean he's caught a little off guard when Akechi changes the subject, though, and it makes him chuckle.]
I guess you really don't want to let me go, huh.
[Says the man who also has made no movements or the remotest bit of intent on letting go of Akechi, either.]
Let's get something sweet. It'll stay on your mouth.
[Said in exactly the way he wants that to be said, which is flirty, but serious enough that he isn't joking.]
no subject
[But itās said exactly while Akechiās still clinging to the other man, just as reluctant to let go after lashing out like that at his partner. Thereās still something so rotten inside of him, no matter what he tries to scoop out, this complete inability to just let himself be loved.
It isnāt as if he doesnāt believe Ren - Akechi knows exactly how much his boyfriend has loved him since they were kids - itās all to do with himself and his own unshakable self-loathing. That paired with all of his crimes and murders? Itās a therapistās worst nightmare.
For now though, the tension is behind them, Akechi scoffing at the other, but the look he shoots Ren is much more smug.]
I always knew you had a thing for my smart mouth.
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So Ren smiles, leans over just slightly and gives Akechi another little kiss.]
Of course I do. It's a good mouth.
[Don't start getting suggestive now, Ren, Akechi has already let you off the hook for doing Work tonight. Except, also, it's Ren, so it's time for him to push his luck every fuckin' day and here he goes doing it.]
I also just have a thing for you.
no subject
[But Akechi accepts the kiss as he's affectionately pinching Ren's forearm in retaliation, before he's finally releasing his hold on the other man and exhaling away the last of that stress off of him. The recovery is just as strange to Akechi as the affection, how there are moments when Ren can just sweep in and soothe away all of the furious grief and hurt that lives in Akechi's heart.
Somedays Akechi can almost see the future there that he knows Ren sees for them.]
Now knock it off. I just want to sit with you on our ugly secondhand couch and scroll through twitter all night.